Work Reprimand

Larry, how’s it going? Please step into the office if you don’t mind and close the door quietly behind you. Terrific. Okay, look, this isn’t the first time I’ve called you in here and I suspect it won’t be the last, which is okay…I remain confident that we can all work together to develop a more evolved mindset. But you’re actually getting worse, and that is an issue. You remain clumsy, slow, accident prone, and increasingly you are menacing and surly when approached by most anyone. I mean, look at this. At 7:35 this morning you commented Bro, I fuckin hate you on a Facebook post from a complete stranger with a ridiculous moniker. What was it? Oh, yeah, CrispixAlpha. That is a horrible way to start your day, Larry! I know you have a chronic mental illness and that that means having a hard and baffling life with chilling abyssal zones of harsh incoherence, the psyche is the nesting place of traumas, but, really, though, you must have been the kind of kid who fiercely protected all his toys and lashed out at anybody who’d approach within a certain perimeter. You have the deep and deeply unhealthy hacking cough of someone who’s swallowed a silo. You are self-protective and defiant. You know, hell, I absolutely used to be like that myself. Somebody would come up to me and say who are you? And I’d say I ain’t anybody you need to worry yourself about, buster. Don’t fret as of yet, kid. Speaking of kids, that young woman you were sort of dating was awfully young. It didn’t look good. And from what I could tell, though she had a sweet temperament she also had a fucked-up heart and contaminated worldview. That’s on you only in the sense that you didn’t see it coming and then it flattened you. It’s also on you because you shouldn’t have pursued anything with this person in the damned first. The first gal in her twenties you meet who’s into jazz music and you go all disco oblivion. The ladies in Interstellar Transmissions call you the Jazz Spaniel. How do you feel about that? You still snorting coke? It’s the same basic set-up wherever you go…have gone…you’re bounced about like a pinball to the tune of almost no actual productivity and eventually you attain pitiful burnout, nothing but lint in your pockets. Do you think of your online life as a kind of therapeutic harassment or something? That’s just incredibly sad. No sensible person would want to spend any time extending it a thought. Why blacken the horizons any further? We need to have a No Identities office party. Leave Your Identities at the Door. I want you to connect with Clark. His energy is extremely unthreatening and frankly it makes me a little jealous. And I want you to implement a particular adjustment with respect to your daily meditations and your daily self-talk. The universal consciousness suggests referring to yourself as human instead of any other noun, proper or not. Not Larry, but, you know: hey, human, what’s the lowdown? I hope this can help maybe get you way outside of yourself for a while so you can see the world and see that you aren’t any more special than us other dick-lickers. Right? Don’t look despondent. It’s all gravy. I’m expecting you at the Nondenominational Cleansing Ceremony. 2:00, Larry. Try and put on a good face, a'ight?