Heart of Glass (Werner Herzog, 1976)
Lizzie overdosed on a toxic cocktail of street drugs again and I had to go pick her up at the decrepit bar near the hospital. When I came in she waved me off as though that were some kind of greeting. Lizz, I said, what the hell, girl? are you trying to land yourself dead and gone? She was drinking a water glass full of straight scotch. That’s about the size of it, shorty, she agreed. She complained that she’d been seeing visions of the serpentine underbelly of the Mother of Worms, a slithering organism beyond any scale of mass we currently comprehend. I was dismayed that Lizzie intends to go on with her tour of the northeast in August and September when all the young ones who adore her so are back at school and getting wasted like soccer hooligans and bridesmaids. I asked her why she’s so gaga over this frankly-reckless tour and she casually explained that there is a guy in Halifax selling a seaworthy vessel for personal use.
My money guy sent me a little slip that says I don’t have any more of the do-re-mi and I believe I am supposed to take it to H&R Block and file it with those folks. They will not pity me because they will correctly assume that I am a hobo. Is a hobo a hoe-boy? Usually. On the farm you’ll find the hoe and many other toys but the more they make you play the more you’ll want to bust out of there quick quick like a bunny. Already dangerous people came out to settle these western lands after the schizzy catastrophe of Columbus and no matter how bad a motherfucker you were when you set out, by the time you got to Calgary, where the Bow and Elbow rivers charmingly conjoin and the buffalo look at you like a trespasser, a whole heap of new trauma had been added to your bundle and you couldn’t really be expected to have much regulatory control with respect to the nastier and/or thornier emotions. There is a scene right at the end of Werner Herzog’s wonderful 1976 narrative film Heart of Glass where a group of well-appointed men from late-antiquity stand on a rocky shoreline whilst sending off a small skiff full of their intrepid peers who head in the direction of the horizon just to see what is going to happen. This sort of shit-or-get-off-the-pot foolhardiness is perhaps the thing I find most endearing in people. True love means I’ll be your crash test dummy. Of course, there is also that sublime opening epilogue to Andre Tarkovsky’s Andrei Rublev and its Icarus in shorn armour, Yefim, the peasant and artisan who builds his unwieldy flying machine and is thereafter taken for one hell of a bumpy a ride.
Lizzie said I’m too thin and that I need to put on ten pounds or will no longer be given contracts to work. I asked Lizzie what she thinks of the possibility that we’ll all be immortal someday just like those Church of Perpetual Life nuts would have it. She said the most fascinating thing ever: if we gain immortality we give up fertility because mathematically you can’t have both. You see? That’s why this little bitch is so famous, dawg!
When I was a grad student in philosophy at Western University in London, Ontario back when things were a whole lot sketchier and more sub rosa, I sold weed and coke out of a small nondescript house within walking distance of campus. One day a student I vaguely recognized came in, pulled a gun, collected all my drugs, money, and jewelry, then gingerly stepped out the way he’d come. Neither of us stopped being students at Western University. I saw him around campus semi-regularly. I was upset and dismayed, to be sure, I had never really encountered gumption of this kind previously and there wasn’t any clear road to the attainment of satisfaction from my end of the deal. Well, that is until I told my friend Jay, former high school football star and ex con and during the period we’re addressing a dope fiend and passable lady’s man with some kind of government income that never got brought up. He was also scary and unpredictable. The son of a small town Ontario sheriff, Jay had adopted the attitude that he could talk however he wanted to law enforcement and this really scared the shit out of me. Normally I did not like being in a car with him. However, many months after the initial incident with the armed-robbery-in-private-residence, I happened to tell Jay and Jay predictably lit-up with mirth, zeal, and mayhem. I had a pretty good sense that we were about to break the law a little more than I had ever wanted or intended to break it. Let’s hope it doesn’t turn out like that awful Irréversible, the nasty Gaspar Noé movie that was still pretty new! In all honesty? It did actually get pretty close to that bad, though the hard part for me was not knowing how bad it was going to get or how soon it would be over. We found the guy and Jay gave him a good going over, warm up—and I saw for sure that he lost some teeth—before throwing him in the back of the Dodge and driving him to the outskirts of town where he was dumped in a ditch with a gun pointed at him and ordered to take his pants off. Once the guy had managed to get his pants all the way down, Jay signalled me with a nod and we jumped quick quick back in the truck and sped out of there with a screech.


















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