Guided Meditation

Turning it on and tuning in now…

The consensual consensus cesspool. An archive of human aggression. Catalogue of stupidity and senselessness. Occasionally popping up on the police blotter…

Russian combustion anarchists and piker plebeians. Scan a virtual preadolescent girl, smacking another Mississippi-style, a can-do to the cancan too. We all watch through crossfading flake-spheres of digital snow. Constituting our so doing from the outset, live on location, daily constitutional. Martial-arts mercenaries of the Real, though metrically fogged, are not so fogged that we cannot all at once be flogged. And the prosecutor's office keeps saying the case will go to trial unless the head of Japan's Defense Agency wants to 'spread a little sunshine.'

For most women, for the Modern Woman, fake tans are a way of life (and of dying? already a lying in state?). They are considering the whole package very, very seriously, what with the addition of the “Tanning Bed” sub-clause, and would give Tehran the chance to discuss "ambiguities" that could be used to make atomic bombs. Weapons is what we're talking about. If the peak temperature is 87 degrees no earlier than 4:22 am, the day of. Witnessing the impact of global warming in your life?

Disclaimer: applicants must escape the Czech Republic via webcam no later than the beginning of the end of the middle of July! The Americans needed a victory and some help inside the 6-yard box, so at the annual meeting of the American Headache Society in Los Angeles, when the Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation device reported its latest share prices, during the initial period of electriceel activity in the brain, more than 7,000 shareholders stood with Sony President Ryoji Chubachi and forced the evacuation of roughly 460 homes and businesses.

"Today's a critical day," said Volvo Corp. to Slide Rock State Park, "I won't say it's a last ditch, but thereza lot o’ potential,” so we all remained closed for a fourth day of tremendous Oklahoma technology ensconced in regional jitters outside of a boarded-up fishing-tackle shop. As a breakaway, rogue Volvo apparently prepares to test a long-range missile believed to be capable of reaching the United States and North Korea, watching a fireworks display from the U.N. lawn, gripes endlessly ‘cause Iran will not negotiate any treaty to prohibit citizens of any country from burning porn or tens of thousands of cards from concerned Americans as long as Internationals Oxfam and Amnesty are engaged there in a good old-fashioned, throwdown, adrenaline pumping, punch-out, thousands of red, white and blue-clad smurfs investigating anticompetitive practices, the whole thing threatening to trigger a cataclysmic jolt in methane consumption, much less pronounced, now, hence the warming warnings due to greenhouse gas caused by the man who was wearing a red Welsh rugby jersey throwing a sum of money in the air, on the CCTV, whilst some quick-fingered people made off with hundreds of pounds and Heather Mills was seen through the dry air, evaporating north of Baghdad. "I absolutely understand this is a life or death situation for the Volvo,” she said, continuing as Marines played pickup, “this is another form of combat." And then she was gone.

The accused then allegedly took a shovel and buried himself at Camp Pendleton in the rain two weeks ago with his Ferrari hubcaps held tight, so more than 800,000 people canceled their subscriptions to The Salaried Worker because the layout has subsequently begun to take on a Marxist-Leninist hew.

Inside a city warehouse, news conferences brainwash from the skydeck, our refusal an "act of patriotism" refurbished, influenced by the US government's protective chemical suits and their boneyard of decayed cats, building code violations seasonally for naught (a natural barrier against bad credit refinancing or too-close-for-comfort encounters with free time, Alaska-style), these adopted pets live in residential New Jersey, where  Lacrosse Rape Charges (emotionally difficult for catkin though the fracas may prove repeatedly here) are laying the groundwork for Armageddon in today’s Financial Times, like a Mississippi revivalist preacher / cattle rancher hoping to clear the path for his own messiah by rebuilding the temple next to Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Middle School on Medical Center Drive where Henry Ramirez Jr., 15, screams “LET THERE BE FLIGHT!” as hurricane-fueling warmth mixes inert platinum and xenon into a molecular metal that understands the matter-antimatter imbalance; it should raise the baseline of both hurricane and national security activities, but don’t go expecting Administration officials to alert the Treasury Department.

Hillary Rodham Clinton blindly unites three monkeys. See No Evil, Hear No Evil, and Speak No Evil are their proud simian names. Given to them by the six Democrats flirting with a possible White House bid because it was just about time that the party’s liberal base began to reflect the temperature shifts over the last 2,000 years. Those solid nature preserve instincts giving way to doubts about paper vs. plastic. Because monkeys expressed muted satisfaction with climatologists since the sharp curve of the hockey blade perforated the mid-term faux-civility (based on the false premise that Mahdi the weatherman was the last of the prophet Muhammad's true Sumerian summer heirs) and that a nonpartisan think tank might have braved the miserable rain to assess that the national politic is not in any condition to be used as designed, nor preformed as a ring tone operetta before the gaping mopjaw of a computer simulation stand-in for public information from a classified report. But the monkeys are wise to the con—or are the con, after all is said and dumb—what with their discussing an especially sexual Christ-like Superman with a member of al Qaeda before the film actually opens this coming Wednesday.

We would (and so must) characterize these recovered munitions as classified, because they came into contact with insurgent bargain hunters who are people too, and anyway, government officials say, terrorism is not just turning on a vacuum and letting Western Union muzzlefuck the dustbuster distribution. It is entirely consistent with democratic values concerning single dads and the redistribution of post-divorce wealth. The firebombing of soccer mom minivans as the latest step in an aggressive Bush administration door-to-door pitch, decelerating every minute possibility and watching kiddo grow from a wee tot into huge dreams and huge income goals, a chip off the old block, as surely as people in the Texas Panhandle jump on car bonnets, dance in the street, and lay on the ground in front of traffic, police presence beefed up, cops mounted on fashion horses in clacking stilettos, some women are routinely subjected to a so-called teabagging, due to appear in a Miami magistrate's court later on Friday. No prisoners can maintain those standards of lawman decorum very long, an explicit 6/13 Circuit Court complaint filed in Kanawha County makes clear: Labor party cops, sagging badly, have robbed Pyongyang of its righteous outcry, sending Tony Blair tailspinning into a new habit more expensive than cigarettes, with endless parades of cute news bimbos outdoors during stormy weather.

Italian researchers want, it is claimed, to start meeting interesting and exciting singles, offering homeopathic anti-depressants, or invoking vacations in the sun as outlined in Holland’s De Volkskrant. How shall we take the think tank sugar pills? Characterized by shameless provocation, fraudulent falls, arbitrary errors, in the stormy matchstick blitzkrieg raining down on the candelabra. Oye. The drone of niceties in the war that cannot be won militarily and within days is fueling the Fox News Channel at a launch site near you: they’ve already moved two hours of product, what is known as television, according to one woman, emerging for a bathroom break selling her shares to a foundation that Rockefeller and (Andrew) Carnegie began so as to assure that New York—ranked No. 10 at the U.N. sweepstakes, up three spots from last year—remains North America's costliest city while government code-breakers thrust some of Hollywood's biggest names into an unwanted spotlight. Hey there, Medgar, did you hear that the Hollywood sign has been replaced by a giant inflatable yen symbol? the name Los Angeles changed, governator in absentia, to New Moscow?

After that FBI agents swarmed the O.C. offices of Myldred, whose collection of antique miniatures, tiny Carol Burnetts and Sinatras, became the Washington Dolls' House and Toy Museum almost overnight, they emerged with an injunction against the Board of Education, granted by the Honorable Richard D. Boner of the distinguished Boner clan, whose hirsute charms did not go unnoticed by the divorcees (abandoned for a newer model like the Lexus before them), and whose charcoal complexion was attributable to student test scores and probably still is if emissions excite the part of the brain cortex nearest to the telephone or refitted re: the rear fitting. They had not shown that using a cell phone is bad for the brain in any way. Except that one might take on odd behavioral ticks. Like becoming a rampaging wild bear, the first seen in Bavaria in more than 170 years. But of course it should go without saying that that goes without saying.

Soon Big Brother may be watching from the inside out, lack of appetite, vomiting, stomach spasms, bloating, and weight loss. Anti-drug campaigners say, starched collars at attention, that shops will soon be offering customers iced cannabis tea, because political solutions grow druggier on a pretty much daily basis, what with  abused and humiliated people calling for criminal probes, asking: if we are not free to cough up blood are we even free at all? asking: is that all there is to life? litigation?

Like a month of Sundays stamped out with the grapes of wrath and the wino stamped out by the wrath of grapes, the space crack will sidle exceptionally close  to our butane and be lit up for one heck of a fourth of July high, but will then be gone forever, never again to ping the radar cloves. So sad the foreseeable future with its rank-and-file denial of small giant-crack-rock truths best accomplished by seasoned observers with moderate-sized crotch telescopes! Cows chomp happily away on lush green grass and cannabis sativa, the scorpion venom treatment for fascist non-smokers, here’s hoping that breathing in other people's tobacco smoke turns them the color of the coal mine and mill polluted Dasha River and may a barge loaded with 1,270 tonnes of sulfuric acid go tits to Tuesday. Which reminds me: marine environmental protection crews hastily deployed up their proud assholes, docked at a repair yard in Algeria, a .40 caliber post-colonial slug in the porous pulp mill between the eyes from which they now piss red, their prior military service record proven short of veracious in the extreme, and may Axel Rose bite their legs in the Berns Hotel lobby while admonishing them for spending millions fighting AIDS with words instead of spreading AIDS amongust the lexicographers, having collected more than $10 million in rental and disaster-relief assistance that has gone towards a story on George Bush and his time in the National Guard. Which reminds them: not to be late for Dan Rather’s retirement party; they do not want to miss the pre-dinner tarring and feathering wine and cheese.

Recent Chinese customs data shows crude futures now trading under-the-counter style with Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert taking Palestinian prisoners off the ICE, facing sanctions. The uranium will be used only for a peaceful energy program, forcing terrorism refineries on the Gulf Coast to reduce runs immediately, good stewards of the environment passing greenhouse hotdog gas falafel stands also developing significant new nuclear energy capabilities. Dukakis in the tank, running up the bill, won’t be left in the movie version, the release of which will coincide with Al Franken's time harvesting progressive antibodies on the Pennebaker hobbyhorse, all prenatal and environment, fostering homosexuality in Sam’s younger sons after being ejected through the sunroof at home making love. To the wife and said sons. Like the tournament's all-time scoring leader, raring to win over Australia in the second round prickle joust. Russia’s space flight control center suggesting that sexual orientation may be determined by pairs of non-sex chromosomes rockin’ the mike old school like Charlie Rose handling daily responsibilities, jimmying open the doors of perception with Google and others, though excitement, per legal script, comes only when the sessions end, the sex act being increasingly focused through Internet-based services.

Viagra and the general wireless wiring of teens in their natural habitat: it's no longer being a matter of  second-degree misdemeanor, since Rush Limbaugh now comes in natural and synthetic forms. Little blue bottles will kill off two major characters in the next book in the Harry Potter series brought to you by AT&T. Air Force Reserve reconnaissance aircraft will investigate fitfully those trapped in the blast rubble. Proposition is to we'll call the next explosion Beryl Jr. after the father of personalized My Yahoo! pages and pink pig cufflinks, though whether or not wizard Harry himself is implicated—though fully suspected of being involved in the insurgency—they’ll let him go, unharmed, under a national reconciliation plan, or at least that's the proposition perforce we'll call it that.

2,500 inmates have been released since Maliki first unveiled his initiative on June 6 in the carport with the national security advisor, stressing that he’s never fought with anyone on the basis of religion, at least not religion on its bloody own thank you very much. The death tolls from attacks on Monday having also risen, picking up endorsements from labor unions and being greeted with hugs and frustrated Connecticut Democrats who don't like what they're hearing, the dead adding up to negative campaign-trail integers. "I put the reddish-brown snake in a dark bucket," said Lieberman,
as Borneo's forest cover declines, “so’s to expose nature's best kept secret.”

Star Jones has suffocated to death on freebies and Fig Newtons and she plainly does not (repeat! does not!) have any other gig lined up, because even the afterlife had planned to axe Star last fall after the hoopla surrounding her endorsement-plagued wedding, at one point a fake eyelash fell off, costing millions of $$$ in wrangle-fees. Some's even saying she ought be assigned to the city Sanitation Department, "scrubber" being British street-speak for a prostitute / promiscuous ho. When Rosie O'Donnell agreed to join the media militia it was already over. Both are possibly as large as a half-mile or more in diameter, so why not have several good options available to you? Success starts by assessing your current situation and finding a service provider.

Our new host, designated 2004 XP14, was discovered on Dec. 10, 2004 by the Lincoln Laboratory Near Earth Asteroid Research Facility. An astronomer plans to utilize NASA’s 70-meter diameter Goldstone radar thingy to locate a laboratory in Seoul and resume his work on Streisand cloning because something has to eat up all that moon cheese in a jiffy. The chance of a collision is practically zero. There is therefore no need to change the flight path of the ISS. Fashion sense is just being natural and being yourself (in J Brand jeans with cigarette leg and a distressed black Chanel jacket that just never quite went into production). Aided and a-bedded: iPod, phone, Sony Cyber-Shot touch-screen cam and Lip Venom by DuWop. Robot politics is all about the newest latest draped over clones to hide the peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, McDonald's and sushi, which is what these robots are made up of beyond the 90% H20. When crashing to earth they make one hell of an ungodly splatter.

This is one of the first studies to demonstrate that women predisposed to paroxysms of giggling during routine mammograms may be more susceptible to the low-dose brainpower of fussy youngsters (white bread, potatoes, and alcohol are the losers in the move towards a more Shrinking Man-conscious lifestyle for such ladies). Helping train computers how to read joy, anger, and other expressions, women who wear 3-D glasses or have a beard are able to envision this being employed in cars within five years time. A headset, now in its prototype stage, would interpret other people's moods. And there is zero chance that such a device would hold French citizenship.

Tinker with clouds to make them pay a higher than normal price for a drink on the Champs Élysées, alone against the world, a pocket of climatological resistance, with traveler's checks and the new prepaid traveler's check cards, throwing Amex daggers at marooned Inuit-like moon men. Travelex Worldwide exchange service at Dallas-Fort Worth Int. Leftover currency back at a favorable rainy rate. Sunshades in orbit to cool the planet and rock the vote boat. Possible fallback positions if the planet eventually needs a dose of emergency cooling brought to you by Rand McNally. A Western Railway Guide to stars’ homes (but not Star Jones) and Ursas Major and Minor and various other tropics of the wee hrs and the plush sluts that line the upholstery of these places, all extraordinarily thin and weighing little more than butterflies.

A mediator reached by Reuters said it was too early to call it quits, bringing closer the prospect of a major Israeli military sweep, hot children in Gaza with angry slurpee headaches throwing pieces of Flavor Flav’s gold teeth at the tanks, wearing armless existential clocks around their necks in response a retired Catholic priest and two veterans' put-on clown suits. Busted into a nuclear missile launch facility and began beating the silo cover with hammers. Other kids, maybe all of the other kids. In an attempt to take the Minuteman III missile off-line. Seriously. I had the proof but they took it down.

The wigs and faces coldly ripped into the ugly orchestra so very nasty and vicious knocking out electricity and water supplies. Not good for most of the 1.3 million residents of the Gaza Strip. Pulitzer Prize winners dug in behind walls and embankments, preparing for a major strike, press credentials should be yanked, a lot of people have legitimate and genuine feelings about this. Emails heaped upon the editors on Manhattan's West 43rd Street, the 3rd Battalion, 5th Marine Regiment, 1st Marine Division (Marines' sisters and grandfathers serving as Nissan service advisors, Orion on the supernaturally quiet eighth floor of the News Corporation, seated in the old world of kings and aristocracies now gesso, smeared clean and muted video monitors within jaywalking distance valley of old Gelsenkirchen media dinosaurs, besieged by a Cambrian explosion of digitally empowered life-forms). We have to make sure that we don't make the same mistakes. Post-human get-go ghettos are still essentially pens for poor people, undercurrents of tension have always been an element of kaffeeklatsch, albeit sexy photos and a blurb which said “just lookin’ for something fun” mean that what we called our home at the Bentley Green Apartments was actually a busy school zone with broken or missing speed limit signs. City Public Works and the walk past Riverwalk. To stir in the beer. Corroded veins of truth and scraping capillaries off the sides of the bowl: this is no place to live out property value fantasies of harsh exclusion, to carry out extreme action and bring Hamas to task for proper imspelling.

Team Red Bull was the future of Toyota before it was the present. The Associated Press has learned that victory at Infineon—like a life preserver thrown to a drowning man who died in Montpelier already deceased and unsalvageable remaining grateful—a little late but—like Archduke Francis Ferdinand—a portrait of piss-grade patience. Aren’t they? With their Westminster Abbey golfing chapeaus! 1,000 adults march on the nation's most accurate polling firm despite the general lack of senatorial interest in the World Cup, breweries warn the draught could run out before the final penalty fraud, the hardest task for mankind being a matter of—Jiminy Christmas Mandibles—to keep up with the thirst of this English Earth.

Putin kissed a boy on his stomach in the Kremlin on a stroll. I.e. he obviously kissed the boy on the stomach. He didn't kiss the boy whilst on a stroll from the position of his own (i.e. Putin's) stomach. Patted his head and walked off through a crowd of astonished tourists. Code Pink in solidarity with a birthday party at Bus Boys, the poets also call for unionized sex workers per the Voting Rights Act and vile crimes under our noses off the street, yanked from their grasp like political purposes. The Internal Revenue Service Criminal Investigation unit is set to prosecute "especially horrible" underage girls smelling of Cleracil, reflecting the growing impact of new media outlets on broadcasters and thus upon arms of justice mired in track marks and safe injection sites, scrambling to adjust as marketers (slang: meerkats) step up efforts to reach consumers with new broadband neural root (de)stabilizing psych-tectonics, dusted down enzymes and sands of the coca leaf hourglass. Demand from advertisers particularly strong, the upfront market complete. An estimated $200 million in revenue from "Sunday Night Football" transplanted into a buffet served in the White House portrait room, the President and First Lady munching on 9.8 million adults or more, engendering what is ten minutes from now the most watched cable movie since 2001. The industry understands that this does nothing to improve conditions since the bizz got hit by the exodus of top tap dancer fizz whilst the German Academic Exchange Service would not even be if not for the most powerful woman in fashion getting it in her head that she and her staff had been left out of the MySpace China loop, not even warranting a single-digit kiss-off Duke University-style, where rapists are still busy with the still underage slideshow presentation. It's always amazing to see what cash will do for a little bit of innocent girls.

Just drinking and fighting in the 700 block of North Quaker. Children are taken into protective custody about a dozen times a month. Newschannel 8 anchor C_____ L______ has produced Waiting Child, a show about memorable kiddy-porno promos done in the 70s and 80s. We want them entertaining and interesting so she has latitude. Need to work on your hook? Play Newschannel 8 Shock Bowl! See if you can bring home a soldier captured by Republican militants. 3-wood bash a bear’s brains and put a strain on the flood control system. Just like the U.S. Coast Guard used helicopters to set up speed traps overseeing the jets, unfairly profiling airforce personnel and Hispanics, rejecting the statewide challenge to Texas' bombardiers. Redistricting. Sloppily. Able to re-grow teeth and bones, drunk on the poop-deck dreck.

So the tool is based on low-intensity pulsed ultrasound technology and may eventually allow people to grow taller experts, bigger versions of which have already received the knifepoint approval of abused children apprehended at Las Vegas International airport, sprinting through security checkpoints and waving Jamaican flags. One officer used a Taser gun alone in a Kid's Wear & Toys store. It was a disaster as he and his mother played with reanimated toy cars, teeth falling out and jamming traffic like when Israel buzzed Assad's summer palace while he killed 19 Israelis in a restaurant. By persuading them to stick their forks in the myriad electrical outlets.

Israel said the flyover was aimed at pressuring them to dismantle arrogant, elitist, left-wing podcast powerstations of the New. The conservative blogosphere was on fire and opened same, indiscriminately wiping out lots of public-opinion-sensitive banks and memory-banks of chipped-tooth data on the vine of the multi-mind, drinking heavily to withhold details of the impending Three Little Bay of Pigs in a Blanket and rogue publication machination. Though there was no clear evidence that the illegal program was legal. Law is used to excuse outspoken critics of the war on the war in Iraq. Why should we not publish? Nudity, streaking. Sex in public! Other common luxury liner claptrap and daterapedrug shenanigans. Elders of Zion seen running around naked under the naked night would be disembarked at the next port of call and response and would not be refunded their fairway fees nor albatrosses. Backups caused by downed signals on Constitution and Independence, gnarled sandals pried from bulldoggish Anne Arundel County Executives. Jews with a migraine eye on Maryland's rain-swollen Patuxent River, hoping, on all four fours, to self-fulfill tomorrow’s prophecies today!

Working as a bodyguard and driver for Osama bin Laden is durn’d dangerous, most employees eventually using sheets and clothing to hang themselves, tending to bring new scrutiny and criticism to an old game of cat and dagger, hampering the tall and handsome one’s ability to confront and defeat a new and deadly enemy in the form of a 5-month-old baby Jesus cooing. Finally done in with all expedience not due to proper nouns and 35mm rounds. But by mother having forgotten to drop him off at daycare in the early morning. The temperature in the van easily could have exceeded 100 degrees, baby bits spackled shut with viscous cheese hardening real slow, behind tinted windows and so Osama removed a picture of Jesus that has hung in a hip high school for more than 30 years or so, insisting that he was doing nothing wrong, carving that particular pumpkin, because new jobless benefits edged up, nudging the overnight federal funds, a custom technology makeover for your new business-class piss-take, storm clouds remaining the only obstacle since the Columbia tragedy in the northern Gaza Strip town of Beit Hanun where shells hit power transformers. Stop measuring people's quality of daily lives. 12 percent more time in a bad mood matters very little for moment-to-moment experience dictates that commuting over time becomes like bullying bosses and office divas brandishing stilettos and actually starts to feel like: things! they would be done differently! Though people who read books and who are amused by books aren't the same people who actually reported that there was no defibrillator available for the baby-Jesus’ post-incarceration tuna melt meltdown scene.

Your average person doesn't know who these people are and they don't care though they may grow to like this world of beauty’s exposed rashes, capable of defending itself if it's exposed to any dermatologist’s aggression, almost unanimous support from its smaller neighbor, Syria. Meaning that unilateral solutions are doomed to overflight oversight. Especially when it's so geographically far from the issue. And has begun to recede across the northeast U.S. following devastating flood-related sinkhole mishaps involving Emergency Management pickups forcing residents to rooftops in scenes reminiscent of the time spent in bed and asleep using sleep logs to capture an odor and then replay it back later just as camcorders report into the murder of teenagers by racist psychopaths.

The only way you get this kind of effect is by using cocaine quite heavily or from boxing for the honor and the glory of your name in pixels in a break with the modern habit of all investigators blaming bureaucrats with whom they were forced to share a cell as undergraduates. Teachers dropped kybosh, complained of increasing bad behavior after Demi Moore's infamous Vanity Fair cover shoot posing with birth goop and golden gloves of a featherweight Caesar’s Palace salad. Egg whites plunge parts of the palate into a Catholic School sense-memory (slight rise in the number of fixed-term exclusions for low-level disruption, a prevalent form of indiscipline spawning Migaloo, the white whale). I'm slightly lost. Okay. Okay, okay. Pulling between 4 and 5 big, fat, monster cock make-believe nights in the classifieds of the Orlando Sentinel where stains remain to this day seen on several Hollywood landmarks on our way through five twists, upside down turns, past a Greek Cypriot man in traditional 'Vraka' dress who stands at an open air vegetable market wearing protective sunglasses until a style expert persuadedudes us to pose naked in front of millions. Demi was dressed up, looked terrific, but her nose was in a terrible state, more than five grams of coke a day as an infant behind the odd scar, a story that gets worse at the beginning of the current military operation, improving the chances of avoiding Florida's squealing shower curtains, tripping on nasty acid and coming down on a state board with $500,000, not able to account for charges of bribery, conspiracy, mail fraud, Elmer Fudd, and obstruction of justice being the mother of the matter in frank legalese. Because kissing ass can get you off. If the 71-year-old nun squirts hot cum.

The Church risks being brought in front of some international court. The doctors and the abortionite scientists who eliminate the embryo claim that communion bread and wine are not, in fact, the body and blood of Christ, but rather part of the ensemble for women wearing flip-flops this summer. Preventing network operators from charging an additional grooming fee, the broken toes sticking out every which way and piercing the skin hourly, up, up, and away by the microchips to a swift flu jab at the end of September, avian wet dreams reduce the chances of a mutating flue gobbledygook code unplugging the astronauts’ suits from the pimped-up outboard radiator and leading us not into temptation but delivering us drugs by the slut-load. Manufacturers have encountered problems growing one of the virus strains; it appears that half of women describe themselves as 'cleanaholics' depressed if their house is messy or their children publish nasty kiss-and-tells.

Wearing little more than a belt sander, South Carolina's adjutant general is prepared to do whatever it takes to secure California's border, and will throw water balloons at Mexicans whether asked to or not. Sweating sulfuric camphor after visiting the flooded city of Binghamton, drinking one and a half day's supply of corn liquor in one cab ride, mismanaging the carbide with the carbine as the meter runs the rapids. 200,000 evacuees from historic Pennsylvania coal town of Wilkes-Barre are here before me, trying to pry open the gizzard gullet to sop a drunken submergence like falling asleep to death face down in a puddle of gin pudding. Roads washed out and rivers surging, authorities declared emergencies. New Jersey, New York, Maryland, Pennsylvania. Dogs of the Carolinas. Underground utilities such as gas and sewage that could be damaged no longer register the stolen laptop computer and hard drive with sensitive data on up to 26.5 million veterans and military personnel.

Is Superman still American? kicking Nazi ass and pummelling immigrants. Freeing up Guardsmen to Shepard flooding in the East, wildfires in the West, or the prospect of hurricanes in the South taking out celebrity athletes. Drunk. And masturbating. When they crash. In their handsome way. Luxury SUVs into parked Suburbans and watching pornography in a DVD player mounted on the dashboard with high-water marks around the world? but sensitively? Saving and judging, contractually obligated to avoid PR flare-ups and the like?

Can 3-D films play a role in winning total war? George Bush and his allies causing killers to be put out on the streets with full Imax security clearance, followers at a mosque are sold an air invasion while delaying a broad ground offensive to give Arab mediators a last chance to achieve the release of kidnapped theatre owners, exhibitors, and some distributors. Have I got that right? Cirque du Soleil's £75million extravaganza set to the songs of the Beatles threatening to include Lucy swooping on a trapeze across a sky twinkling with diamonds as warplanes strike the Palestinian Interior Ministry. Is that correct? Have I got that right?

Near Khan Yunis in the south, a makeshift “Situation Room” with full minibar giving diplomacy a chance as we have already been (means bullshit to you), Abu Musab al-Zarqawi as the secret lion of the new lap dance locution; is it enough to be killed by turquoise streamers in a shameful backdoor American air raid with Israeli flags on Berlin cobblestone? Cobbled gobble gobble together by internationalist mujahedeen, the bodice laces tightening to the point of al-Qaida's command appearing to have faded way away prematurely because it’s the plain old science of the thing. Shiite pallbearers catching wind of a world-record hammerhead shark bulging in the crotch of empire whilst setting an intelligence office on temporary fire for naught. Like a gaggle of Playboys marooned on the Vatican magazine rack where their dentist uproots teeth assumed unlawful or immoral to spite the face and the self. And the certain? What with the 111 million people online getting off glorious.

A 19-year-old soldier accused of exposing himself by using a sexual device while he presided over figure skating lessons for the Egyptian President. Fatah-affiliated drunks come creeping out of little league bleachers mumbling about lost contact lenses and where they parked the big rig, carrying musical instruments that pusspicously resemble surgical tools destroyed after the rig’s tanks and tires caught fire. A white trash stageshow excommunication will be applied to the women, doctors and researchers. Just as soon as energy futures are being supported by Guido. 2 cents to $2.2725 a gallon after settling at a nine-month high. How does one explain that one to the fuckin’ parole officer in his jammies?

Mexico's conservative presidential candidate Felipe Calderon declared victory despite corpses leaning over ballot boxes with tongues out, fingers steeped in the ink and leftist supporters dancing to dreary cumbia music in the rain with electoral officials' refusal to declare a winner at all, rhetoric growing harsh and split. "They are frightened to tell the truth that Lopez Obrador won and they can't find excuses to make us think otherwise," said office worker Eloisa Cuevas, 45, who stood on her head and puked on exit polls, the impartial official results, and anything newsprint, as an underground train ran off the tracks in a tunnel and speedily overturned, knocking out the First Dysfunctional Family of Rock 'n' Roll in its entirety and raising fears that the transit system was gearing up for a large cultural invasion, meter maids implying that they would kill an abducted Israeli soldier if their demands were not met in regards to Hillary Clinton being run out the chute to handle the viciousness of a national campaign in her dungarees, wary of the lesson of exploding Mexican exit poles spraying murderous piñata shrapnel into throngs of Democrat party loyal with farmer’s tans in the shape of the Russian scythe cutting through numbers.

There was no word on when a ruling would be made if one was to even come. It’s not like increasing the state sales tax from 6 percent to 7 percent would buy new golf shoes for the entire town council and its hordes of buddies. Further appeals to keep harness and thoroughbred tracks open notwithstanding, Assembly Budget Committee members were called to the Statehouse to explain drivers taking to the road in large numbers in preparation for the July 4th  refinery crunch in the style of Kremlin Krime Kommandos. Investors were maintaining their enthusiasm in the face of absolute finitude, infinitely strange in its tossed-off gamma arrangements, morphologically, continued encouragement from declining consumer price inflation projections. Encouragement, that is, to release Palestinian prisoners into thin air like blowing magic bubbles. The enemy will ever bear full responsibility for future consequences just so long as the printing press and such is kept out of his hands of course. And the government of Israel will not yield to the extortion of the post-PLO or the World Court or Captain Kangaroo on a pogo stick lighting his farts. As long as righteousness courses as surely as there will be breadwinners who are not bringing home a paycheck or a book of matches or diddlysquat.

Both Israeli defense officials and Palestinian security officials say that the placenta broke through the uterus wall two days before Olympiad, gringo squatters reluctantly handing over the decorative spoons premature, until the oldest woman ever to bear a child suddenly dropped a bowling ball, the statewide (weird) emergency threatened to close Atlantic City's holes the first time in the 28-year history of legalized gambling in New Jersey. Workers are not deemed "essential" employees who keep getting paid during a shutdown or another contested Mexican election on the gagplank. They say that there was sleight of hand involved, simmer with Monday anger on Tuesday as widows of blasted Marines collect airport donations from National Guardsmen heading out to an early economy class(less) death gong. Cindy Sheehan is planning to launch a hunger strike at the crash site. The latest bid by the US anti-war movement to grab colonel Ann Wright, knock her out with drugs and remove her pigtails with extreme prejudice. Alice Walker and actor Danny Glover will roll a joint fast on a spare Cosmo. Pooling their resources, they disapprove of hand-carved paraphernalia and rising US casualties could be proven to erode public support for conflict.

As Americans get set to fire up barbeques in patriotic celebration of wieners and the catafalque that supported the caskets of people who have lain in state—a polish job to rival those of the Renaissance Restoration Riders—see live feeds of congressional business and use monitors to scan the six-party process that continues strongly to urge North Korea cudgelingly. The United States and Japan. What if something that hasn't happened, happened? the emergency proclamation is the most effective way to fight crime. Beat cops are talking to people in the world community and observing activities in and around a quintuple shooting, stepping over the bodies to ticket reporters reporting on riots and disasters without official approval. Industrial accidents. Natural disasters. Health and public security crises. A big brouhaha in Stanislaus County, a Patterson pageant champ decrowned. The government has given the army a green light to launch a deeper incursion. We have to know when to clench our teeth and to deal a decisive blow. Three militant groups said there would be no further information released about what happened last month at the Apricot festival, fear of reprisals. Little Mister Appricot, four years in age, engaging us by flipping the bird. All talk is of what happened next. Unfortunate flip of the now crownless finger. He doesn’t know and his mom and dad say he likely wouldn't understand anyway.

He had either fainted or become otherwise indisposed prior to the accident outside the headquarters of the Valencia regional government. Fortunately for him he had not yet cum so there was no evidence. As to the final minutes of morgue-like love cresting the hilltop jerkoffathon: the family learned of his niece's fate Monday night, hours after the explosion.

Relatives gathered at a morgue to claim the bodies of their loved ones. Construction workers on balconies overlooking it paused to take part. Red and white carnations lay outside the Jesus station gleaming in the daylight cum-speckled false teeth and several candles burned in the Spanish capital while Jose Luis Rodriguez Zapatero had some paperwork to do at the café, the package of weakened weekend incentives meant to wean him off enrichment.

Russia and China were contemplating sending high-level officials to Wednesday's meeting to enrich uranium to weapons-grade levels for use in the fissile cores of nuclear warheads. A blockade on the shipping of refined oil. Solana last month presented the rewards to Larijani but made no mention of the punishments since six flags agreed on the badly bungled bundled promo package insofar as cancerous brain tumours at the age of four marked the end of Annya's childhood peddling nuclear power to thousands of children worldwide.

Two Greenpeace climbers scaled the ceiling above the speaker's podium holding banners warning future generations about the existence of stinky pederasts at Yucca Mountain in Nevada, after nearly 20 years of finicky research (gluing thumbtacks to fold-out chairs and peeing in the communal Tang). It is still not unusual to see an Iraq-war veteran or amputee in an airport claiming the balloting was manipulated and renewing fears of the black planet. The audience he has ordered the army to push forward with efforts to put to rest allegations concerning a "disgraced" Sir Elton J after Portugal knocked him up. Paris Hilton wants blanket wireless Internet coverage of her ass by year’s end, hopes to set up 400 free WiFi access points next year and allow athletes to pry loose her connections and scale her broadbanded golden locks of hay. "We will act fast and firmly...to create the most favorable conditions for Paris," handlers told reporters, Paris scurrying to collect peanut shells behind the bar. “License fees for fiber optic cables would be cut by 25%, tax breaks will rise 90.”

Women no longer have to forage for wood and make themselves vulnerable to attack from the brutal pro-government janjaweed militias. 45 trained volunteers who have fanned out through the region have assured that their racial antipathy is an outgrowth of prison culture and bad diet. There will be no further children: the surgeons also carried out a hysterectomy. The entire community joined at the hip in a radical display of surrogate magic, skinny pirates reliving the moment they were designated cancer-stricken. Land-shore leave never to be the same, no talk of growing up poor and a day pupil and then how first loves were skinned and then fried just like chicken. The Deep South was never really going to work out as far as Darwinists called it. Fine motor skills, reaction time, and visual attention not so hot. Investigators are attempting to locate the birth farm and provide the basis needed. No parts of democracy's carcass entered either the human or animal feed systems. It had no effect on their likelihood of seeing the gorilla-costumed woman, indicating that even having one stiff drink can make you blind drunk trouble waiting to happen like being shot once in the chest and once in the arm. Military-supply specialists at a U.S. base in Iraq not officially at war, just looking for a quiet crater to sit back in and get their St. Ides on real quiet.

Two groups of tourists were robbed at gunpoint on the National Mall. A 17-year-old woman was sexually assaulted by a Shiite and a Sunni television because they incite Kurdish-ruled HIV prevention sectarianism day and night. Screening everyone between the ages of 14 and 84 for wordvirus. The University of Alabama's Center for Television Research in Birmingham can also send alerts to mobile phone users and computers’ beaconing cones, moving a cursor on a screen down the spinal cord and out to the limbs, emergency oxygen masks at the overhaul base at Kansas City International. The potential for the catastrophic mishap is there like the FAA is there, the shotgun blast on a hunting trip that accidentally wounded a companion. Putin's caustic response underlines the tensions that exist between the United States and Russia as they have staged these get-togethers, foreign policy crises redoubling backwardness and non-freedom in tandem. Gorbachev found a Rumsfeld. They are just hawks protecting sparrows. A nonpartisan forum is by nature a niche medium like "Where's the Beef?" Leaving the watercooler holdovers to explore the thinking behind employee hush money. The president decides whether to grant clemency after a recommendation by the justice minister who had been unmarred by any whiff of scandal said they were to slash up to 50 jobs trying to restructure their editorial operations, continuing to keep soldiers around the world fed up to $1.2 billion in turkeyneck. Contractors in Iraq have been one of the defining features of the American New. Private companies called on for duties as varied as guarding supply convoys and crack cocaine, a digital scale, and packaging materials line the many rooms. Cocco remains under house arrest while he awaits sentencing. Israeli jets bombed the Chancellor at a joint press conference with Bush. Hezbollah from Nahariya told reporters that even Northern Command had come under Katyusha fire, the Lebanese government completely responsible, reminding us that Israel is not at war with Lebanon but at a "high volume crisis,” as a new reality beyond language has been created on the
northern border.

Ken Lay, who was 64, died while vacationing in Colorado on July 5, just six weeks after a jury convicted him and former Enron CEO Jeffrey Skilling of conspiracy and fraud and Jesus Christ said his name would be cleared. A chicken in Kazakh has laid an egg with the word "Allah" inscribed on its shell. The tunnel ceiling would be suspended over people's heads for decades to come. The drop ceiling was mainly cosmetic, concealing the Lord from the drivers below, just like The Six Million Dollar Man always said while skiing the friendly skies. Neural activity from the motor cortex of the brain kicking up neurotransmitter dust signals from the implant. Decoded. Processed by a computer. Killed seven family members in Indonesia, scientists not sure of their significance.





Signed, Mabuse the Everlovin'