When I was writing all those unwieldy essays on the social media site Goodreads, tagging the side of the somnambulist literary establishment like a phantomic Graffiti maverick, or so I imagined, the run-off added up to a manuscript of nearly 400 pages and boy oh boy was it a hot mess. However, during that protracted period of funnypages prurience and caffeinated mayhem I came to a powerful realization about the five juiciest lines uttered by male actors in American movies, from hilt to kilt: 1) in sublime 1941 romantic comedy The Strawberry Blonde, featuring top-ever performances from James Cagney and Olivia de Havilland, Cagney says, indignantly, "Well, that's the kind of a hairpin I am!"; 2) in Dennis Hopper's extremely surprising 1969 blockbuster Easy Rider, a dying Peter Fonda, lying by the roadside, says: "You know, Billy. We blew it," and he says so 'cause they sure as shined snakeskin boots done did so, don't get confusin' yourself; 3) at the end of 1974's Cockfighter by Monte Hellman, Warren Oates places the severed head of a fighting rooster in the hand of his horrified beloved, causing the poor lady to run off in disgust and indignation, then shortly thereafter says to his assistant, proud as a cock, having been intentionally mute for the vast majority of the picture 'cause of he previously humiliated himself running his mouth: "She loves me, Omar"; 4) in 1981's Cutter's Way, the alcoholic Vietnam vet and amputee played by John Heard, asked why he isn't getting wasted and combusting in the aftermath of the suspicious death of his common law partner, says: "Tragedy, I take straight"; 5) in Quentin Tarantino's 1997 jewel of a picture Jackie Brown, Samuel L. Jackson says to Robert De Niro before shooting him in a stationary vehicle, with a mere huff: "Our ass used to be beautiful."
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