News of the World (Vodún Edition)

Strip Nude for Your Killer (Andrea Bianchi, 1975)

The Great Muppet Caper (Jim Henson, 1981)

I've warned you repeatedly and now you look on helplessly as the great and indefatigable Bret Michaels is laid woefully low for the foreseeable: the power and authority of the Fozzie Bear vodún/loa/daemon are second to none and to find out the hard way is to get knocked about and positively dropped. Of what principal properties does the Fozzie Bear vodún/loa/daemon consist? Look at it this way, simplified but not excessively so: Fozzie Bear combines the early pre-Gracie teenage vaudevillean George Burns, doing pratfall comedy with roller skates and similar cockamamie business, with an irrepressible sui generis enthusiasm that your normative world-frame will never be able to either assimilate or suppress. It's a good thing Bret Michaels opted for the surgery because trying to pass those stones would have shredded his dick complètement. One of the laws of both African and Haitian voodoo is that whatever you do you definitely don't want to strip nude for your killer. When those heavy cosmogenic forces come down upon you, passing through astral bodies like X-ray, you want to be in good health, dressed to the nines, and wearing an easeful, frolicsome expression on your face. Alas, Fozzie may just fuck you up anyway. Give you the heavyweight treatment. It is okay to become psychotic, saturated in archetypal spirits, but when you do so your whole domestic set-up better look good from a distance or the bird's-eye view. Not nearly as many people are able to host the Fozzie Bear vodún/loa/daemon as was once the case, so props to Kayla from local gutter punk band Puppet Wipes who is the only person I know at all well who has the same Fozzie Bear knack that I do. Shalom.

Antoine Dougbé et L'Orchestre Poly-Rythmo De Cotonou

The human race cannot be satisfied unless it is inundated each and ever day with far more music than any creatural intelligence could ever make sense of let alone catalogue. I would not be able to keep a straight face and tell you that this or that release was the best reissue or archival release of the year, on vinyl or otherwise, simply because I am not in a position to have gathered enough information and everybody reading this implicitly knows that. However, I think I can comfortably assert that the recent Analog Africa release of the collected works of Antoine Dougbé et L'Orchestre Poly-Rythmo De Cotonou, originally recorded between 1977 and 1982, is the best archival release of 2026 with which I have found myself in, ahem, possession. Hailing from Benin, Antoine Dougbé was the son of a vodún priest and would go on to become one himself, ultimately dying of cirrhosis of the liver. He would often call himself the devil's prime minister. Whereas L'Orchestre Poly-Rythmo De Cotonou consisted of a stacked lineup of top-shelf virtuosic musicians, many among them vodún initiates themselves, Dougbé learned to produce songs by singing and making complex rhythms slapping his hands on his legs. The sublime, upbeat party music Dougbé made with the Orchestre stands at the threshold of postmodernism and Pan-African globalization. Rhythms and percussion are influenced by Afro-Cuban traditions and Congolese rumba figures too. The presence of synthesizers in the arrangements serves also to emphasize the pathbreaking transglobal nature of this exciting and energetic music. Should you fail to procure for yourself a personal copy of this extremely fine double LP of West African sublimity, well, that's your funeral, dawg. 

Antoine Dougbé et L'Orchestre Poly-Rythmo De Cotonou

"Vile De Nan Gni Noude"